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Windoze XP

Won't Install Edition

This exciting new version of Windoze will make your head eXPlode when you try to install it on your home computer! Due to the fact that some kid in Finland has already used the serial number on the copy of Windoze XP: Won't Install Edition that you just bought, the "product activation" will screw up your computer. No more worrying about backing up important data -- the botched install will erase it for you. Fortunately, there is one way to fix this mess; you can spend another few hundred dollars on...

Windoze XP

Frequent Crashes Edition

The Frequent Crashes Edition of Windoze XP is for power users who want an operating system that quits when they need it the most. Each user can access his or her files anywhere on your Windoze XP network with a username and password, and any 13 year old with any hacking knowledge whatsoever can access your Quicken files without a password. Since privacy is a word we are somewhat familiar with, this edition of Windoze features file encryption. For added security, no file decryption is included.

Microshaft brings you the ergonomic keyboard of the future, and it looks like it's from another planet. This keyboard has some unusual features that we describe in this diagram:

This mouse has no balls; that's right, it's female. Also, it glows red for some reason. You could use it as a flashlight if you wanted to, or maybe it would make a good decoration at the rave you've been planning.

Offick XP

Offick XP includes four Microshaft products: Werd XP, Axel XP, and a couple of others that we can't be bothered to remember at the moment. In case you missed all our commercials, we have removed Banty the Bent Out Talking Paperclip from this version. NOT! Just kidding, guys, he's still there after all. Now, he thinks you've rejected him (he's right, isn't he?) and he's meaner than ever. Watch as he takes your documents and "recycles" them when you're not looking. Also, he randomly inserts expletives into your Werd documents and changes the numbers in your Axel spreadsheets. What a jerk!

XtraBucks

Nintedo makes a lot of money on game consoles. We want that money. Hence the Microshaft XtraBucks. Check out some of the titles for exciting new games for the XtraBucks:

Microshaft Blender Simulator
Lario and Muigi Jump on Turtles
Banty the Bent Out Paperclip's Disgusting Misadventures in your Throat
DOOM 15: The Return of Unoriginal Gameplay
Hello: The game where you wait on hold for tech support