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This is the greatest spreadsheet ever! (Note: "greatest" in comparison to
other spreadsheets, like Locust 456 and As Hard As...). Full of amusing
features, like "Easter Eggs", and a new feature we call "Flies" (formerly
called "Bugs"). Now supports InactiveX.
This new version has been created to include undocumented Macro
features that let us read your spreadsheets. Remember to include the
expiration date when entering credit card numbers.
Turn your TV into a hard to use, slow, impossible to control web browser.
WabTV lets you browse the web on your TV set. Plus, we didn't include
useless features like a mouse, Java support, plug-in support, telnet support,
cookies support, security features, or much of anything else. Might be
possible to read Usenet (we've never tried. It's too hard to use.) Be sure
to notice that it does support HTML -3.0 now! (Not compatible with
HDTV. Do not use if pregnant or nursing, or if you want internet access.)
The keyboard controller was designed by blind people with no fingers.
But at least it looks neat! (Note: WabTV is not compatible with any sites,
including our own Microshaft websites)
The nation's leading word processor, Werd 97, includes billions of features
you'll never use or care about hidden in the program.
BONUS: When purchased as part of Microshaft Offick, our
useful help characters tell you how to use the program. You can get help
from these lovable characters:
Banty the Bent-Up Bent-Out Paper Clip
Carrie the Crack Dealer
Jeopardy's Alex Trebec
Franky the Foul-Mouthed Ferret
Eddie the Repetitious Copyright Violator
Harry the Wannabe-Yuppie Computer Hacker
Thor, God of Thunder
The operating system that made Microshaft a hot news item! We've
integrated Microshaft Exploder into the system, to force Netscrape
to bite the dust. We almost got away with that, but the Department of
Justice started getting on our case when they found that Microshaft
Exploder let us read their hard drives.
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