Gardening Guide


Take a stroll through your neighborhood and check out the beautiful gardens people have, with well-maintained plants that look great all year. Now go back home and look at your garden. Oh dear... what must your neighbors think of you? Rather than find out, you should immediately remedy the situation. Fortunately, THE NeTw0rK is here to help with our handy gardening guide.

Photo of flowers   Grass is a pain to cut. When planting a lawn, water the grass until it gets to the height you want. Never water your lawn again -- this way you won't need to waste countless hours "mowing" your lawn.

  Trimming trees can be difficult, and at times even dangerous. If you have above-ground power lines in your neighborhood, always plant your trees directly under them. This way, the local power company will trim them for you.

  Flowers are beautiful, and there's nothing as pleasing as a flowering cannabis plant. Plant a few dozen near the street so your neighbors can enjoy them as well.

  Rock gardens are easy to maintain. Throw in a cactus or two and it's the perfect garden for a lazy fat ass like you.

  Catnip is easy to grow, and it makes it very easy to kidnap your neighbor's cats and hold them for ransom. Also, catnip can be placed in "baggies" and sold to gullible, defenseless pre-teens as pot.

  Kidnap several well-known genetic scientists and make them work as slaves in your secret underground lab until they make you a "money tree."

  Small foreign nations in the Middle East and East Asia are always looking for nuclear testing sites. Offer them your back yard in exchange for money and/or political power.

  Having a problem with insects? Pour bleach and other household poisons all over your yard until they're gone. If your neighbors complain that you're polluting, you can use this same trick on them.

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